I'm Like Pocahontas Doin' That Rain Dance

If you had a friend, maybe they'll let you stand under their umbrella' ella. But don't look at me, I'm not sharing with you-fool.

I'm in this business of terror, got a handful of stacks better grab an umbrella.

but let's be real, I don't make it rain, I make it snow.

(and I know, I like Alice in Wonderland OKAY, deal with it.)

Paul Revere's Midnight Ride

YOU HEARD THE MAN!

I've got important places to be, and library that smells of rich mahogany and leather bound books! haven't you seen my windsor knot and ascot?! My wigs are custom, yours are just retail. Poor.

I don't have time for this, I have to go get tanked and bombed with my fellow chumps in the pub. I run Wonderland.

Wise Words

Disregard Females, Acquire Currency or Ignore Women's Rights, Acquire Wealth.

Why pick when you can have both?!

All Right. Let's Go.

Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum, are you saying that there's a party in your pants and that I'm invited?
abso-fucking-lutely, and it's a limited time RSVP so get on it before there's a REAL problem in Wonderland.

but, alas, no thanks dawg.

FratDaddy

Need I say more? If you have a beer that large I am for sure coming to your party and pretending to be your best friend, I mean show genuine interest in your collection of lacrosse pinnys and visors. Gargoyle or keg stand anyone? ME FIRST!

Total Frat Move, enjoy it here. NOW

I'm Rock Star Wasted

Had four Fourlokos...don't remember anything since 2004. It's either that or Gaston just doesn't know how to read. bro or not bro?

Shout out to I Remember That for existing and being particularly funny about the realities of Beauty and the Beast on this post.

Animal House

Yeah, skump is getting his drink and his two step on in Sleeping Beauty's court. He's really trying to impress all those proper ladies with his wide repertoire of impersonations

Skump, the court jester is best known for his rendition of the drinking song relayed hur:

Skumps! Skumps! A toast to this night
When the outlook is rosy
but the future is bright
Our children will marry
our kingdoms unite
Skumps! Skumps! Skumps!
Skumps! Skumps! A toast to the home
One grander by far than a palace in Rome
Let me fill up your glass
that glass was all foam
Skumps! Skumps! Skumps!

yeah baby, music to my ears. I'm definitely going to try that at my next pregame.